living life

hm...monthly updates...not bad i suppose.

sometimes i wonder if i spend more time observing how things are instead of putting more energy into how i want things to be. as a scientist, i've been trained to view phenomenons with an objective eye, taking different perspectives to begin to understand why it is the way it is. yet, i can't help but feel like it's been a passive experience: learning material to spit it out or apply it in a new situation on an exam, practicing techniques to be able to accurately assay an important experiment, researching dozens of old papers to be able to add one tiny original twist in your own work. Don't get me wrong, I fully realize the power in mastering all of these skills. I have a bumper sticker I bought from a man on Telegraph my freshman year that says, "Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal." I feel like it could be taken one step further to say, "Enjoy life and create..." That's what I feel like is missing from my life. Not only am I stressingly busy, but I feel like I haven't been producing anything new. I'm tired of being fed information. I'm almost at a loss of what to do with it all. I've been trained out of my ears as a molecular biologist. I have years of teaching/tutoring experience. I'm more than competent in a research lab. I have tons of knowledge about drugs, drug policy, and harm reduction. I could review dozens of artists in the indie rock and trance worlds. I've become proficient in Chinese. I can outcook and outbake almost everyone I know and I'm developing recipes for healthy treats. Aside from that, I have incessant bits of trivia ranging from ethnicity in America to Dutch history, nutrition labels to organic chemistry, alternative medicine to pop culture. What am I going to do with it all? Somehow it applies to practicing medicine in the future.

agh monthly brain farts are too draining. I'll try to write more often.