moving forward

after reconciling with the end of college, moving away from the world i've created for myself over the past five years, i'm struck by how fast people come in and out of life. cal was four years of relative stability...every year, a few older friends left berkeley, but for the most part, the people that i was closest with were never far. during this last year in oakland, there were new people in my life all the time. it was the first time i had coworkers to get to know. i had three distinctly different roommates throughout the course of the year, each of whom allowed me to take a magnifying glass to a particular part of my nature. great thing to do while working on med school apps. ironically, the more people i met, the lonelier i felt ( as my previous posts demonstrate). i never felt completely satisfied in these new friendships. why? because there wasn't any history there? or because i just didn't find a kindred spirit in the bunch? in any case, the likelihood of seeing these people from the past five years again once i move away is minimal. just like how i haven't seen most of the kids from high school since graduation. even with the advent of myspace and facebook, it takes effort to keep up with the numerous people that walk through a person's life. i learned this the hard way, spending much time having late night AIM chats that i can't even recount, trying to consistently email old friends, even making random phone calls, which i neVer do. it's been scientifically proven that a person can adequately know about 250 individuals without getting mixed up. count up all your close friends, your coworkers, family members, lover(s), neighbors, old classmates, etc. and see if you can fit that 250 in your head. and imagine how much time and effort it takes to keep up with those 250.

now that this has become a tangential rant, my point is that i'm getting used to the idea of people NOT being a permanent fixture in my life. i've been spoiled by attending uni close to home, best friends from high school attending the same college, an extension of the first 18 years of my life. i will always marvel at how much influence one person can have, regardless of time spent with them. i have friends from all over the world now who have touched me in one way or another. yet as i grow older, i don't expect to have meaningful long-term friendships with every person i meet. it's a moment in time that two people were meant to share. future encounters will happen if we intend it.